It started with a book. When I was six months pregnant with Leo, I read Mama'en by Nina Pierson. Then Ina May Gaskin. Then I watched The Business of Being Born. And something that had been quietly forming in me finally became clear enough to name.

The most important thing I took from all of that reading wasn't a specific birth philosophy or a particular approach to labour. It was something simpler and more fundamental: the understanding that my body belongs to me. That medical recommendations, however authoritative and however well-intentioned, are recommendations. Not commands. That I had the right — and the responsibility — to ask questions, to take time, to request information, and to decline things I wasn't comfortable with.

Nobody had told me this. Not explicitly. And I suspect most people have never been told it either.

The Birth

I walked into the hospital to have Leo and was immediately struck by the pace of it. Forms appeared in front of me before I'd properly settled — including consent for an epidural I hadn't asked for. Monitors were attached. Decisions were being made around me rather than with me. The whole system moved at a speed that left almost no room for conversation, let alone genuine informed consent.

During pushing, the team wanted to start an IV of antibiotics as a precaution. I said no. I had read the research on this specific intervention, I understood the proposed benefit and the estimated risk, and I made a different decision. The team was not pleased. But they accepted it.

When Leo arrived, the team moved toward him immediately for standard newborn procedures. I said no — I wanted him on my chest first. I wanted those first minutes before anything else happened. They accepted this too.

What I remember most vividly from those moments is how unfamiliar it felt to say no. How I had to consciously remind myself, in the middle of the most physically intense experience of my life, that I was allowed to. That protocols exist for good reasons but are not absolute. That I was the decision-maker.

Nobody had taught me that. I had to learn it from books, on my own time, while pregnant, from women who had thought hard about these questions long before me.

You are allowed to say no.

The Cancer Diagnosis

I saw the same dynamic — with considerably higher stakes — when Michael was diagnosed. The urgency of the medical system is not malicious; it comes from genuine clinical knowledge that delay in certain conditions has serious consequences. But the speed creates an environment where pause feels irresponsible, where asking questions reads as non-compliance, where seeking a second opinion is interpreted as distrust.

Surgery next week. Chemotherapy starts Monday. Sign here.

We asked about nutrition. About what complementary support was available. About whether there was any clinical flexibility in the timeline. We were dismissed. We asked for a second opinion on the specific treatment protocol. We were told we were being naive about alternative medicine. We weren't asking for alternative medicine — we were asking to be active participants in the decisions being made about Michael's body and his life.

I am not against the medical system. I need to be completely clear about this. I am deeply, genuinely grateful for it — for the chemotherapy that addressed Michael's cancer, for the surgical expertise, for the nursing care he received. Without those things, Michael would not be sitting at our kitchen table right now.

But being in control of your health means participating. Reading. Asking questions until you have answers that make sense to you. Seeking a second opinion when something doesn't sit right — this is standard practice in every other high-stakes domain and should be standard in medicine too. Knowing that you are the final decision-maker about what happens to your body, and that no urgency, however genuine, removes that right.

Everyday Body Consent — Beyond the Medical

The principle extends far beyond medical contexts. Every day, in the choices you make about what you eat, what you put on your skin, what supplements you take, how you move, how much you sleep — you are making decisions about your body. And you are allowed to make those decisions from a place of genuine information and genuine autonomy rather than marketing, social pressure, or the path of least resistance.

Read ingredient labels. Ask why before you agree. Give yourself time before any decision that feels rushed. Trust the signals your body sends you — not instead of medical input, but alongside it. Build the knowledge base that makes you a genuinely informed participant in your own health.

Nobody is going to hand you that power. You have to claim it, deliberately and consistently.

→ Download Holistic Health Guide

→ Nutrition as Medicine — Cancer Resource Guide

→ Related: The Things That Started It All - Michael's Cancer Journey

→ Related: Unpopular Opinion: Why Early Detection Isn’t True Prevention

Eat Plants. Feel Alive.

Xo Kristel & Michael

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.